Holiday blues

The mother-in-law equivalent (if I were married) got the step-son equivalent a puppy, which is great, except that's what I was planning on getting him for Christmas. Oh, AND she gave it to him yesterday! Whatever happened to ANTICIPATION!?! Who gives a kid a present like that 2 weeks BEFORE Christmas!?!?! Toys aren't going to be exciting now... I'm just disappointed because I have been planning on getting him a puppy since April and now I don't get to. I did a ton of research on different dog breeds and their temperments to make sure we ended up with a dog that would be good with small children and now I don't even get a say in the type of dog that we get! The boyfriend thinks I'm being silly but, damn it, I'm the one who will end up taking care of it! And call me selfish, but I was SO EXCITED about getting him a puppy and now that's been taken from me! I didn't even get to see the excitement on his face when she gave it to him!

Oh, and she told him that Santa Claus brought it. Ugh! Santa doesn't bring stuff before Christmas... he comes once a year! This child is never gonna believe in Santa - at least not for long. We're already fighting that battle because his mother doesn't celebrate Christmas... Now with my boyfriend's familiy treating it so non-chalantly, Matt is never gonna feel the magic that surrounds Christmas... What the hell am I gonna do when I have my own kids? There's no way in hell I'll let them ruin it like this for them! But how do I get my point across without insulting or hurting them? I love my boyfriend's mother and I know she is not mean-spirited. Hell, she probably thinks she did a good thing... helping us out since she knew we were thinking about getting a dog. My boyfriend doesn't really get my frustration either so it's even more difficult since I don't have back-up! I'll end up looking like a total bitch if I don't just suck it up and get over it.

It's not just the puppy incident. It's Christmas in general with his family. I can't explain how magical it was for me as a child... knowing that Christmas is coming, anticipating Santa's visit, staying up half the night because you can't sleep you're so excited, and then waking up on Christmas morning to find all of the wonderful presesnts under the tree... surrounded by family... That doesn't last very long to begin with - but with all these obstacles, I fear it won't exist at all for Matthew. I just want him to feel that joy, that excitement that comes only once a year! I just want him to BELIEVE!

I can get over the fact that I didn't get to give him the puppy (again, that's me being selfish and it's supposed to be about the child). And I can get over the fact that I have no say in the breed of the dog (the puppy is adorable and I know I'll love him anyway). But, I really have a problem with the fact that it was given to him yesterday - so close to Christmas... and that he was told that Santa Claus brought it. That's just wrong. No one can convince me otherwise.

Oh, and another thing - we just discussed the whole puppy thing on Saturday and I said that I wanted to pick it out myself (or at least SEE this one before we decided)! So what happens? They give it to him on Monday without any further discussion and without me even being there to share in his excitement! They could have at least given me that. It's no wonder I sometimes feel like an outsider.